What Turns You On?

This interview is part of Ivy Société’s What Turns You On campaign, intended to generate discussion around our turn ons and break down stereotypes around booking sex workers.

What turns you on? 

Good manners, kind gestures and integrity.
Candlelit conversations over exquisitely crafted cuisine.
Eye contact: love comes in at the eyes.
Long, lustrous kisses that melt the day away.
But above all: passion. I am a highly erotically charged person, and revel in the energy of my lovers. Forget your insecurities and inhibitions; embrace the wonder of sex, of experience, of life.

What genre of music or particular songs set the mood?

I’m not one for thumping house or hip hop as a backdrop for romance. I prefer softer, ethereal sounds. Sade is smooth seduction, Alice Coltrane exudes hypnotic tantric vibes, and Al Green is aural amour. I also like the sweeping melodies of Weyes Blood and classical composers such as Erik Satie.

What non-physical attributes do you find appealing in clients?

Emotional maturity and a sense of humour are very attractive to me.
But ultimately there is nothing more appealing than someone who is unashamedly comfortable in their body no matter what size or shape they are. We are multi-sensory creatures, innately capable of experiencing the full range of pleasure, and people who overcome society’s prejudices around body image and sexuality to embrace that are hot as hell.
Extra brownie points for tipping the service staff at dinner!

How do you explore new turn-ons or fantasies in a safe and consensual way?

Obviously, communication is king. Making sure your partner is on the same page and as enthused about your desire as you are, so you can both gain fulfilment. Expectation management is also a key factor, because reality may not always match the scenario you have in your head. Of course, a positive attitude and sense of humour is invaluable in diffusing these situations.
Another thing to add is that I find the best way to explore new territory is with someone I have built trust and a rapport with over time. While the lure of a new playmate may be exciting, you may be the kind of person who feels most comfortable tasting a new thrill in familiar company.

How do you think booking escorts has influenced how people discover and communicate their turn-ons?

In a two fold way: first of all we help people communicate their desires via the basic boundary setting and mutual understanding essential to the provider-client relationship. Sex workers provide a non judgmental space free of stigma and guilt in which people feel confident giving voice to their turn ons.
Secondly, we help people discover their desires by showing that turn ons and eroticism aren’t static, abstract concepts but evolving organic exchanges between two people. Our turn ons have become increasingly mediated and dictated to us by algorithms and trends. Foucault’s History of Sex affirms how anyone concerned with their own sexual liberation must become aware of how sexuality is created by mechanisms of power and how sexuality is turned into a market commodity under capitalism. When we step out of the hyperconsumerist online environment and set foot in the fleshly, thrilling – and often complex – realm of the human, we experience our turns ons in the profound, tangible sense. This can either validate or challenge our notions of what we want. In doing so, it empowers us in discovering and exploring our turn ons as autonomous individuals and not consumers.

Do you think media (movies, books, etc.) has influenced your perceptions of turn-ons and attraction?

I would say what I consume has not so much influenced me but helped me inquire into my own desires and the sexual landscape of the world in general. Audre Lourde wrote sublimely on the embrace of the erotic as an expression of personal freedom for women and in turn, society. The sensory prose of of Angela Carter had me forever addicted to the eroticism of food, of fragrance, of luxurious silks and velvets. Camille Paglia’s Sexual Personae was a landmark work in exploring the orgiastic wildness and power of sex and the chaos of gender dynamics.
Also, I must say my love for medieval fantasy has endowed me with quite the weakness for old fashioned chivalry! But do not fret – you don’t need a suit of armour, just good manners x