This is the second part of my 2 part blogpost – It is on Ivy Societe Journals as well as on my website 🙂
This is the second part of my blog post, all about what turns me on 😉
You can find the first part here. The feature photo is a picture of recording artist Paris Hilton, for her track ‘Turn you on’ I hope she’s not mad at me for using the piccy.
What do you find most rewarding about ensuring a positive experience for people you meet at work?
To be honest, it’s difficult to ensure a positive experience: we don’t always know the mindset of the person we are meeting and everyone has their off-days for sure. I’m proud of the way I present myself in my honesty, openness and willingness to meet people where they are at.
I really see meeting people and being attuned to their desires as an honour. The rewarding part of it all is being soulful and kind in the process and being there to share that journey.
How does effective communication with clients impact your professional encounters?
DJ Khaled voice: Communication is KEY
That is a joke. I do not endorse the above ‘musical artist.’ Just coz.
Communication really is KEY though.
By communicating well, you’re committing with respect, care and consideration.
Truly my kind of person is one that tries to communicate well.
Do you think understanding and communicating about turn-ons is important in a relationship? Why or why not?
Yes. In every relationship being upfront and honest about your needs is essential.
I daresay that much unhappiness would be avoided if people were open and honest about their hopes and desires, though I say this with full knowledge that this is such a vulnerable thing to do!. A lot more people would be more healthy and fulfilled in their relationships and within themselves but I think before that step comes, being honest with yourself is first and foremost.
What advice would you give to someone struggling to communicate their turn-ons to a partner?
Take your time and write down all your fears/anxieties.
Work through the difficulty with a professional (therapist? coach? Sex Worker?) or communicate with someone you trust.
The internet is a blessing and a curse: you can find community around your desires and turn-ons, but you can also find really off-putting and unhelpful opinions as well. My advice is to take each step carefully and to be present, regardless of the reaction.
BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AND TAKE YOUR TIME.
TURN-ONS ARE NOT A SHOPPING LIST OR A BOX TICKING ACTIVITY.
FOR ME, ANYWAY.
What advice would you give to individuals looking to explore their own turn-ons or preferences for the first time? How can they do so in a healthy and respectful way?
Be gentle with yourself and take your time. Turn-ons are not a shopping list or a box ticking activity. For me, anyway.
Talk openly with yourself and with your partner/s about what it is you enjoy. Desire is something that has been probed, studied and discussed since the beginning of time! Enjoy the journey and be present for it. I’d also add here that shame is something society projects on people and not something I like to dwell on personally. I completely respect and understand that religious, familial and societal projections that may be ‘obstructions’ that are in the way of your journey.
My sales pitch: (Just kidding but not really) You can discover turn-ons consensually, healthily and respectfully, not only with yourself but with another human! Sex Workers are literal experts at this – whether online or in-person. If you do not currently have a partner who wants to explore the desires that occupy your brain, contacting your local Sex Worker for a booking is investing in yourself and your desire.
Sex Workers rule because we know safety, have lots of ideas, intimacy is our wheelhouse and there literally is someone for everyone.
Have your turn-ons or things that you find attractive changed over time?
Yes! I find that as I get older and as my palate evolves, I do too.
I find myself more patient with myself and seeing sex as more than an orgasm. Turn-ons themselves can be glimmers and not necessarily a sexual association. I find myself turning to emotional intimacy, cuddling, appreciating the time spent.
I also find myself being surprised by what my body wants sometimes!
What aspects of physical connection are most appealing to you in your work?
I think this really depends on the person, their experience level and the way they relate to another person – how boundaried someone is, how willing they are to communicate well. All of these things take practice!
For me, I’d say I’m more on the adventurous side, but I only enjoy exploring this (spicier stuff) with lovers I build a connection with. The more substantial the connection, the more likely for the physical stuff to follow and be more appealing.
Don’t stress and just let it happen 🙂
I try to update my journal here sporadically, however you can find frequent updates on http://www.edielau.com/blog
xo Edie Lau